What I know about Charlotte as of October 2013

-- Charlotte thinks humans communicate chiefly through raspberries and shrieks. Under our current schedule, I feed her at night. Most of the time, she's pretty groggy, but by the time I change her diaper, she might blow some raspberries. It's nice that she can be cheerful even right after she wakes in the middle of the night.

The tables turn in the morning. After I've slept in about half as long as I'd prefer, Sarah brings Charlotte onto the bed and points her at me. My daughter spits all over as she says good morning. I do feel a little bad that my wife needs to use our baby as a shield from my grumpiness when she wakes me.

-- Charlotte is surprisingly dexterous. I've mentioned her long fingers before, but it still amazes me how she can use them. She's now picking up little snacks and putting them in her mouth. When we feed her bottles, she often fully extends her arm in the air and looks at her fingers, tilting her hand as if admiring a diamond ring. Then she slowly rotates her hand to look at the front, then the back again. Her specialty, which she learned in the NICU, is grabbing wires and waving them around. During feedings, she'll often pull out my earbuds. I bet some old-schoolers will tell me that's a message.

-- Charlotte gets cabin fever. For those not familiar with the expression, cabin fever, or stir-craziness, is when you can't stand being stuck in your house any longer. Our kid will sit in her Super Activity Play Seat Baby Gundam Mobile Armor for about five seconds before she's sick of it. She loves her Baby Bjorn carrier, and she'll seldom complain on walks.

-- Charlotte loves new faces. She will sit and stare at a stranger quietly for minutes on end. This is very handy in church. Sometimes she's scared by glasses and sunglasses.

-- Charlotte is not easy to impress. With some kids, you throw them in the air or tickle their stomachs a bit and they laugh their heads off. Charlotte laughs for about five seconds, and then she just smiles like she's humoring you. The only times I've ever got her really laughing, she was pretty tired.

--  Charlotte's eyes are currently blue and green. By which I mean one is blue and the other is green. Of course, any predictions about her eye color I make now will end up being completely wrong, but I bet they'll be green or hazel.

UPDATE: Charlotte's trick poops were a result of the Enfamil Gentlease formula the NICU sent us home with. Once we switched to Sam's Club Brand Members' Baby Chow or whatever, her poops got a lot less interesting. She doesn't have blowouts nearly as often as before. Side note: Sarah believes the term "blowout" refers exclusively to baby poop escaping a diaper. Every time she sees an ad for a blowout sale, or hears an anecdote in which a car's tire explodes, she giggles uncontrollably.

Motherhood: Fact or Fiction?

A magical unicorn ride through the fields of gold. Swimming amongst the stars on the backs of dolphins. Dreams about shopping sprees where everything fits and you always look fabulous. These are ways I would NOT describe motherhood.

I love my little poop machine. I wasn't so sure about her for the first month (as described earlier, I felt sure that her real mother would come along and collect her ) but as time's passed, and her little personality starts to shine through, I like her more and more. However, I don't know why I thought magical was synonymous with motherhood. It's not magic friends, it's spit, grit and hard work.

You know how humans are biologically hardwired to perpetuate the species? As a girl, I thought about being pregnant and having babies since I was like 12. It's so natural, yet so unnatural at the same time. Nothing about pregnancy was really magical or normal to me. I was really depressed and physically ill the first three months, cried three or more times a week (often everyday) and if it's so natural why was I so upset about gaining weight and watching my body change?? I really thought it would just be the best not to have a period every month. Well, it's more like having one for nine months.

Then labor and delivery. I was assuming I would be like the women around the world who work through the pain, squat down, have a baby and are in love instantly with the purple mini-human. Nope. Not even close. I thought I was going to pass out from the pain of contractions, and then lose my lunch. It also took that unexpected turn of emergency c-section, which is not natural at all but I'm so grateful it's available.

So then you have a baby. Time for the baby to eat! Breastfeeding was one subject under which I was the most disillusioned. It's not quick, easy or natural. It's a skill you both learn, like some sort of piano concertist or fixed-gear biker. I really thought it was just an easy, natural thing you both intuitively knew how to do. Wrong, wrong and wrong.

I'm trying to strike a tone of realization more than complaint. I am forever grateful to have the chance to carry a new and beautiful baby girl and to have the opportunity of watching her grow and develop. It's amazing! However, it's a far cry from what I assumed was an easy, natural change in a woman's life. I would say not "Easy as childbirth."

Things I've learned about Charlotte

• Charlotte's favorite music is the blues. Specifically blues-rock with heavy beats and loud guitar riffs. How I know this: Once she was fussing, and I played Catfish Blues by Jimi Hendrix and she got very still and quiet and her eyes got big. Later that day, she started fussing again when I listened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I switched to T Model Ford and she quieted right down. She also likes Led Zeppelin, including (don't tell Sarah) the Immigrant Song.

• Charlotte is capable of trick poops. This is like a trick shot in the circus, where a shooter can throw a deck of cards up in the air and put a bullet specifically through the card you picked (though that sounds dangerous now I think about it). In Charlotte's case, you can wrap her up in a diaper then swaddle her in a blanket then wrap the blanket in Saran Wrap then hold her way out away from you with Inspector Gadget extendo arms and she can still get poop on your shirt. I may be exaggerating slightly, but she does experience diaper containment failure on a regular basis.
• Charlotte likes eating sugar, much to Sarah's chagrin. Before you call social services on us, we found this out in the NICU. While she was on the cooling cap, sometimes the only way to quiet her down was to give her sucrose drops. If you put it on her lips, she would suck her top lip way down into her mouth. If you put it on a pacifier, she would latch on so tight you could probably lift her up by the pacifier if you tried. Which I did not.
• Charlotte has long fingers and is more dexterous than I thought she would be. Exhibit A:

This photo was taken when she was four or five days old.

Living pregnant: One day at a time.

This is one of the only topics I have to discuss right now, mostly because it completely overshadows and consumes anything else I may relate to you. It's a big deal bringing life into the world. It takes a lot of work on everybody's part, emphasis on the bodies part. Steve has to contend with a hormonal rollercoaster for a wife, I slowly watch my body morph and cry about cooking food and Charlotte has to grow inside me. Here is a snippet of a typical pregnant day.

10:00-11:00 am
Wake up at the crack of dawn for a PL (pregnant lady). Hobble to the bathroom, just like the 19 times throughout the night, as my sweet baby angel kicks my bladder for fun. Cheerios are my breakfast food of choice, they are tasty and easy to get together. The last thing on my to-do list at this early hour would be attempting to care about making something stupid like pancakes or scrambled eggs. Eat the nutritious cereal in bed and the most important TV shows for the next one-to-two hours. This is a routine more or less guaranteed to prevent harm from befalling other people who I may see if I had to leave my house earlier than two pm.

Between 1:30 and 4:00 pm
Time to work it out! Monday, Wednesday and Friday mean a slow waddle up to the gym at USU. I'm secretly hoping that others immediately notice I'm pregnant, thus explaining the crazy huffing and puffing I make travelling up the 90 degree slope of a walkway. I have definitely contemplated saying "Don't worry, it's because I'm expecting a bowling ball" every few seconds to myself on this trek.
Can't run anymore, for my lower back screams with every step. I had to make the switch to the elliptical machines, something I would have scoffed at before pregnancy. But they are starting to kick my butt hard core. Mostly I just think the same thing over and over to make it through "You can do it baby Charlotte. Good job. We aren't going to die today!"

around 3 or 4 pm till... whenever
Chores. I may or may not get to those. Cooking. That is a definite possibility, but I'm comfortable eating peanut butter, Nutella and honey on bread for tonight. About once a week I'm pretty motivated to make something so delicious that Steve jumps up exclaiming excellence in cooking. That, uh, hasn't happened yet because I'm no Paula Dean, but then he probably wouldn't have married me if I was a 60-something southern woman. I'll try pretty hard to make a scrumptious whatever, and I may or may not break down halfway through for any number of reasons. I'm tired or I break something or it isn't turning out or I hate cooking and we'll be eating applesauce till we die.

After dinner till my body falls unconsious
I may crochet something awesome -- excellent work! We might watch a movie together in which I secretly cry because sad music is playing. I will certainly talk to Steve about my day, either really cheerfully or with snot running down my face. Fall asleep after drinking gallons of water to quench the never-ending thirst, searing my back with rice bags to dull the sciatica and tossing for a good 30 - 40 minutes. But my sweetheart always says he loves me at some point, that I'm beautiful and how proud he is of what I'm doing for our family.

Pregnancy 2012: A Woman's Dilemma

Have you ever been pregnant? Perhaps not. Certain obstacles may be blocking your way, like being a man. There's nothing I can do to help you in that case. However, if you are in fact female and may be pregnant sometime in life (first time or again) I believe this may interest you slightly. 

In the five months I have been pregnant, I have gathered interesting facts about pregnancy that no one ever informed anybody else about. I suppose it's kind of like making out or 'knowing' someone for the first time. There are just things you learn on the job, as it were, that you don't know or hear about otherwise. Doubly true for pregnancy

Sarah Pregnancy Fact #1 Having PMS for nine months.
  I was excited as a teen by the idea of pregnancy for two main reasons: having a sweet, cuddly baby and not having a period for nine or so months. I have so far had one of those hopes dashed. I feel like I'm on my period most everyday. Bloating, irritabillity, upset stomach, light cramps, headaches, muscle soreness, cravings, tiredness.. if I'm not mistaken, I have been under a serious false assumption most of my teens and early twenties. It's just lower level PMS for nine months everyone, remember this.

SPF #2 Body changes are just as hard as when you aren't preggo.
  I'm very body conscious. I like to feel good (what I eat and how I exercise) and that makes me like my body and how I look. Again, for some unknown reason, I thought that when I was pregnant it would suddenly be awesome to gain weight. No reason to fret Sarah, you're pregnant! Wrong and wrong. I've had some crazy body image struggles through this time. Steve helps a lot with this, reminding me of things that are real and true, not just what I percieve them to be while upset and sobbing. My friends, it's hard when you're body changes at any time. It's a lesson I have to learn over and over; nothing stays the same forever, including and especially your body.

SPF #3 Every pregnancy is different.
  I don't think this is news to anyone. You hear this quite a bit. However, unless you understand how very different it can be for you, your mother, your sisters or your best friend, you'll find yourself comparing numbers and experience until you think you're an alien giving birth to a hippo. YOU are different than any other women, you need to know that. You have had many years to come to terms with who you are, how you like things to be, how your body acts and reacts and what makes you happy and comfortable. Listen to your body and what you feel/think is right. There are lots of rules and tips for having a healthy pregnancy, awesome and excellent, BUT you know yourself best. If you know how to keep yourself healthy and happy, do that. Exercise how you know works for you. Eat the way you know makes you feel full and healthy. Gain the weight your body gains and don't go crazy on the numbers. Healthy is good but I understand my body better than any doctor or woman with awesome advice. Listen, gather information and facts and decide what you want to do based on your body, mind and life. It's your pregnancy, not anybody elses.

SPF#4 Love being pregnant.
 It's tough stuff. It hurts, your always uncomfortable, you feel large and out of control sometimes. When I look back on this time of my life, however, I want to think of the crazy wonderful miracle pregnancy and birth are. It's special and such a blessing to be able to bring a little baby into your life. You wouldn't be here if a wonderful woman hadn't been pregnant. My little brother Michel had some sage advice to give "I don't know why people think so much about what they weigh of wear. I mean, in a hundred years, who's going to care??" 
 That's how I want to remember this time. It's hard stuff being pregnant, but it's pretty amazing. I'm going to care about my children, the good work I've done and all I've come through and learned. So bring on the pregnancy, let's do this thing!
   

I think I ought to tell you.

 Steve and I are expecting. Expecting what to do what? To have a baby, my fair friends, to have a baby. I've never had a baby before and let me tell you what, it's a crazy business. A few pregnancy related thoughts:

If you want to have a baby, try and remember that feeling that got you into this mess. After I found out, through the oh-so graceful pee-on-a-stick method, I was all giddy and excited. And then I became more and more pregnant and I honestly thought to myself "I don't want to be pregnant no more." This feeling came as a pretty big surprise to me. Steve can attest that I was all about having babies. I felt like it was the next big thing for me, and now for us. But oh my, pregnancy is a cruel taskmaster sometimes and is nowhere near the experience I've heard regaled by countless mothers after the fact. It sounded much more like a magical pony ride than an emotional knockout with physical duress. 

I can say, however, that when I saw baby Kent on the sonogram I started to feel the excitement and happiness I was hoping for. Sure, the baby looks like an alien tadpole at that stage and sure, you still feel pretty horrible but I my heart started racing and tears started flowing as I saw the baby in real time, wiggling all around.That's when it felt real, not just like having PMS for three months.

Husbands are an essential part to any pregnancy. Not only because their initial investment, but also their continued sponsorship throughout. My sponsor is the best. Steve constantly reminds me of happy things, about the baby being here and that he things I'm beautiful all the time. I don't know if body image is as big of a deal for anyone else, but I have just about lost it more than a couple times as I've watched my body change. I'm fairly controlling with my weight, how I workout and what I eat as I'm positive 75-99% of women are. I never thought I'd be 'that pregnant lady' who didn't enjoy the magical changes coming over my body. But I sure didn't and don't. It's a process, one I hope to conquer but probably not till the veil of deceiving forgetfulness comes over me after birth.

Being married is the best, but it takes work and thought and tears and cookies. Having a family is the best, but it takes time and tears and stretch marks and emotional jujitsu. So get married and have a family, it's the best thing you'll ever do.