Songs for moms

Disclaimer: This playlist features (predominantly features, even) bands and music I don't normally like. I just love the mothers in my life so much that I don't care.

Thank You Mom by Good Charlotte

This is a nice song -- smooth acoustic guitars and edgy vocals ala '90s frat-rock (though the song is more recent). I think the song should have extra meaning to Sarah, now. Just try not to think of the "always and forever" song from Napoleon Dynamite.

My Mother Was a Lady by Johnny Cash

A narrative explaining why harassment isn't entertainment.

The Best Day by Taylor Swift

Please refer to the disclaimer at the beginning of the article.

One Woman Army by Kate Earl

I got this track for free on Google Play.While washing dishes, I was about to skip it for a less country-western song, then I realized it was about mothers. Five minutes later, when I stopped crying, I listened to it again. Several times. Kate Earl's vocals are a hodgepodge of different styles. On the choruses, you'd swear she's a straight-up country singer. On the verses, her vowels are extra-round, like Regina Spektor's.

Superwoman by Alicia Keys

This song is like a female-specific "Eye of the Tiger." It's super-inspirational and super-motivational. The world needs more songs like this. On another note, Sarah didn't like Alicia Keys much until she saw her sing the theme from "Gummy Bears" on a late-night show.

The Son Never Shines on Closed Doors by Flogging Molly

Irish punk singers can be surprisingly sentimental, and none more so than Dave King. At every concert I've been to, he dedicates a song to Johnny Cash and a song to one or both of his parents. Listening to this song is like wrapping yourself up in a big fluffy comforter and watching rain fall on the window.

Honorable mentions: The Mother and Child Reunion by Paul Simon

I did a bit of internet research to double-check the song's meaning. It's a crazy story. Well, it's kind of a crazy song. This was a hard playlist to put in order, and this song didn't really fit in anywhere.

Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Great song, too long.

Pregnancy 2012: A Woman's Dilemma

Have you ever been pregnant? Perhaps not. Certain obstacles may be blocking your way, like being a man. There's nothing I can do to help you in that case. However, if you are in fact female and may be pregnant sometime in life (first time or again) I believe this may interest you slightly. 

In the five months I have been pregnant, I have gathered interesting facts about pregnancy that no one ever informed anybody else about. I suppose it's kind of like making out or 'knowing' someone for the first time. There are just things you learn on the job, as it were, that you don't know or hear about otherwise. Doubly true for pregnancy

Sarah Pregnancy Fact #1 Having PMS for nine months.
  I was excited as a teen by the idea of pregnancy for two main reasons: having a sweet, cuddly baby and not having a period for nine or so months. I have so far had one of those hopes dashed. I feel like I'm on my period most everyday. Bloating, irritabillity, upset stomach, light cramps, headaches, muscle soreness, cravings, tiredness.. if I'm not mistaken, I have been under a serious false assumption most of my teens and early twenties. It's just lower level PMS for nine months everyone, remember this.

SPF #2 Body changes are just as hard as when you aren't preggo.
  I'm very body conscious. I like to feel good (what I eat and how I exercise) and that makes me like my body and how I look. Again, for some unknown reason, I thought that when I was pregnant it would suddenly be awesome to gain weight. No reason to fret Sarah, you're pregnant! Wrong and wrong. I've had some crazy body image struggles through this time. Steve helps a lot with this, reminding me of things that are real and true, not just what I percieve them to be while upset and sobbing. My friends, it's hard when you're body changes at any time. It's a lesson I have to learn over and over; nothing stays the same forever, including and especially your body.

SPF #3 Every pregnancy is different.
  I don't think this is news to anyone. You hear this quite a bit. However, unless you understand how very different it can be for you, your mother, your sisters or your best friend, you'll find yourself comparing numbers and experience until you think you're an alien giving birth to a hippo. YOU are different than any other women, you need to know that. You have had many years to come to terms with who you are, how you like things to be, how your body acts and reacts and what makes you happy and comfortable. Listen to your body and what you feel/think is right. There are lots of rules and tips for having a healthy pregnancy, awesome and excellent, BUT you know yourself best. If you know how to keep yourself healthy and happy, do that. Exercise how you know works for you. Eat the way you know makes you feel full and healthy. Gain the weight your body gains and don't go crazy on the numbers. Healthy is good but I understand my body better than any doctor or woman with awesome advice. Listen, gather information and facts and decide what you want to do based on your body, mind and life. It's your pregnancy, not anybody elses.

SPF#4 Love being pregnant.
 It's tough stuff. It hurts, your always uncomfortable, you feel large and out of control sometimes. When I look back on this time of my life, however, I want to think of the crazy wonderful miracle pregnancy and birth are. It's special and such a blessing to be able to bring a little baby into your life. You wouldn't be here if a wonderful woman hadn't been pregnant. My little brother Michel had some sage advice to give "I don't know why people think so much about what they weigh of wear. I mean, in a hundred years, who's going to care??" 
 That's how I want to remember this time. It's hard stuff being pregnant, but it's pretty amazing. I'm going to care about my children, the good work I've done and all I've come through and learned. So bring on the pregnancy, let's do this thing!
   

Please make a job, you can use Google Translate

I was checking out my buddy Tavin's summer blog to get ideas for this one. On the side rail, he's got a useful widget:

I thought about adding this feature to our blog (even though we have fewer Russian fans), but I wanted to test Google Translate's effectiveness first. So I copied one of Tavin's posts, ran it through good ole GooTrans to Japanese, then back to English. Here's what I got:

August 12, 2012 (Sunday)

: The last single ward

I was trying to (and plan on doing so for some time) I was in my last post about the madness called the ward singles, talk bad about ward singles OL YSA, I ("YSA Ward single" Hey. refer to the article below) I think that I've done enough. There are great people some very. Of being a douchebag to drive off in the high single-finger salute in the air through the window of the driver's side instead, I'll give you a little shout out so thanks. Hopefully, this does not sound too many sound like a high school yearbook signings or testament.

As weird because he frequently, nasty man has a good heart. He is a loyal friend. Every time we go to hang out, have forgotten his wallet, you know all the girls, we (Heather noticed just how cool he is probably) he introduces me. Become a friend of the poor, such as trade and it was difficult to stop.

Baseball guy, he is only in the church today told me that I did not want to go back to Logan. It is really nice to know that I did actually make a couple new friends, the best part is, he had meant it. Sorry mate, unless you have been provided and my dream job Salt Lake Tribune, and I, there is no way you are transferring from where to stay to grow wormwood veil.

Although this list is in no particular order, if it was very, girl climbing near the top of the guy I would like to miss. Even though you did not miss the opportunity at an early stage in order to expose me like a fool, she and I, we had become good friends with each other and entourage. Of course, when climbing to Logan and people who are not her, it will be a different experience and.

Climbing the guy I was offered both on and off the rock wall, a lot of good times. He was the only worthy to talk Midvale fellow quite true. Orchid drink will not be the same in Logan unfiltered without your thoughts about women and guns. Your man, I'll miss a homo.

Ginger, I was one of the first friends that were in Midvale. After I got here, even if you are drifting away About a month a little, she is the first month, we girls of fun make-up would have been sucked into without playing "- raise - Sunday School and ginger friend playing her cool basketball All-in-time-in-the hands of her. "

It although I seem to like almost as if it's a shame that I did not hang out with BYU Idaho girl, when the girl he is what I come back on a regular basis, I still lake I am one cool and assured the people of Salt to call.

Biggutoka is a whim, I was a blast to climb with her. 2-1 definitely (compliment, I assure you) 2 on a scale of women, and the cold overall.

To the great people of apology, I know you have offended even know amazing how much I, and there are others who are left off this list reason or another dumb one definitely there Please do not.

17:47 by Tavin that it has not been posted by

I looks like GooTrans has a hard time switching the sentence structure from English (subject-verb-object) to Japanese (subject-object-verb) and back, so a lot of these sentences are backward but pretty close. Other sentences are nonsense. A few take on new meaning. Here are my favorites:

"Nasty man has a good heart."
"Your man, I'll miss a homo."
"Of being a douchebag to drive off in the high single-finger salute in the air through the window of the driver's side instead, I'll give you a little shout out so thanks."
"Climbing the guy I was offered both on and off the rock wall, a lot of good times."

Manecdotes

The majestic snowcat

"I wish we had that one thing that sits in front of the mall," Sarah said as we pulled into our parking lot after a shopping trip.

"A snowcat," I said. "In the boy scouts, we took a tour of the Search and Rescue hangar at the airport. They had a big blue diesel snowcat that had 4-inch cleats on the treads. The guy said it could climb up anything that wouldn't tip it over backward."

"That's cool," she said. I don't know whether she was interested or not. I didn't really care — the compulsion to recite knowledge of machines and adventure opened a primal faucet in my soul. The snow cat story poured from my mouth as if it might bring home the brontosaurus bacon, impress my mate or cement my status within the tribe.

In some higher level of my brain, the odometer rolled over. I must have told that story an even thousand times. In celebration of the milestone, I gave the story a name: It was a manecdote.

man·ec·dote
noun, plural man·ec·dotes

1. A short account of a particular indecent told to impress listeners with the speaker's manliness 

I believe every man has a dozen of these tidbits filed away in his brain, ready to vindicate his masculinity.

Here are a few more of mine:

I was riding my fixed-gear bicycle on campus when a longboarder ran into my rear wheel. Since I was braking — and since backward pressure on the pedals transmits directly to the wheel on a fixed-gear bike — my wheel spun backward and sucked the longboard right out from under its rider. To our credit, neither of us fell over.

My old backcountry skis didn't have brakes on the binding. If your ski popped off, it would slide right to the bottom of the hill. I had tethers, to tie my skis to my ankles — but man they were a pain —so I rarely used them. Once, I hit a crusty patch around the top of a clear-cut slope. I went down, and my ski popped off. It darted toward the bottom of the hill — but an invisible bump popped it into the air. When it landed, the tip dug into the snow and the ski stuck, pointing straight at the sky not 15 feet from where I was untangling myself.

Speed trailers — those solar-powered, digital signs that tell you how fast you're going — are my favorite. When I lived in Smithfield, sometimes the cops leave them at the bottom of 300 South. I'd call my longboarding buddies and we'd go bomb past it. I think my record on that hill is 32 miles per hour.

GROUP ACTIVITY: Add your own manecdotes (or ones you've heard) in the comments below.

Best Bob Dylan covers

When I was a kid, I walked downstairs one night to find half my family gathered around my dad, playing "I Shall Be Free" on the phonograph. It was the funniest song I'd ever heard. Over the following years, I pawed through my dad's records, looking for the funny Bob Dylan songs. It seemed I had to listen to 10 songs I didn't like to find one that I did, but I found the funny ones. I also found his sad songs, his deep songs and songs that didn't make any sense. I found songs that were all those things at once.

The same goes for Dylan covers — most don't seem very special, but if you listen to 10, one might change your life.

Hard Rain by Leon Russel

I heard this cover for the first time in my dad's record collection, then freaked out when I heard it on "Remember the Titans." Remember? It's the part where they're running through the woods of Gettysburg. You don't remember? Well, you've done it now. You've gone and forgotten the Titans.

If You Gotta Go, Go Now by Cowboy Junkies

Dylan was a great songwriter, no question. So great, in fact, that he didn't need to be an even half-decent vocalist. Some of the best Dylan covers just put a smoother voice in front of the mic.

Buckets of Rain by Fistful of Mercy

Without the growling guitars, this cover would be too sweet. A few guitars like these would go a long way in the Byrds' Dylan covers. If someone mixes them in, I'll add a Byrds track to the list.

I'll Be Your Baby Tonight by Norah Jones

See the notes for "If You Gotta Go, Go Now"

Oh, Sister by Andrew Bird

This song has a wacky intro. The first time I really listened to it, I accidentally left a recording of a crowded room playing on my computer. I think it made the track better. As it stands now, it's a great track. Bird brings his trademark string sections and ghost whistling but doesn't chuck a jazzy freak-out into the middle of the song. If I couldn't hear him breathing or double-check on Wikipedia, I'd swear he's playing a saw instead of whistling.

Goin to Acapulco by Jim James and Calexico

Just before the listless guitars and deep-throat-high-vibrato vocals* let you slide into boredom, who comes to the rescue? Trumpets! Martial drumrolls! A glockenspeil? Ah, whatever. Go and have some fun, Calexico.

With God on Our Side by K'naan

Out of all the songs attempting to update or remix Dylan's work, this is the most successful I've heard. The synthetic beats and the words are new, but the song stays true to Dylan's message. The piano echoing through the background and the swelling strings lift the track to a light, airy mood. Dylan's song looked backward — this one feels like it's looking forward.

All Along the Watchtower Like a Rolling Stone by Jimi Hendrix

Yes, "All Along the Watchtower" is probably the greatest Dylan cover of all time, but how many times have you heard it? This live cover is more fresh, more raw (Jimi says, "Yes, I know I missed a verse, don't worry,"at about 5:13).

Outlaw Blues by Queens of the Stone Age

What could possibly improve on Dylan's original, stomping electric-guitar rhythm? More guitars, maybe. Josh Homme is even a little easier to understand than Dylan on this one.

Desolation Row by My Chemical Romance

With this song, the playlist gets a little more weird. My Chemical Romance took an eight-minute dirge, added a couple of guitar solos and finished it in three minutes. No complaints here.

Leopard-Skin-Pillbox Hat by Beck

This cover ditches the swagger of the original but adds a guitar vamped up to monstrous proportions. It keeps the messy, irreverent blues feel, though.

Not Dark Yet by Silversun Pickups

If I ever go on a spacewalk, my suit's music player will have this song. It creates such a huge, lonely soundscape that I zone out when it's playing. The Silversun Pickups have a vocal style you almost can't help but hate on first listen. It sinks in after a couple of verses, though.

The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carrol by Cage the Elephant

If I ever go to space, I'm leaving this song at home because it would scare the bejeebies out of me. Cage the Elephant instills a kind of shuddering energy to their songs, like the glow you feel once you're done crying. They're definitely one of the strangest and most wonderful bands to hit mainstream success. It's fascinating to hear them perform lyrics much deeper than their usual stuff — and their  unique style lends a spooky, Tim Buton-esque atmosphere to Dylan's tragic tale of a servant's murder at the hands of a plantation owner.

I Shall Be Released by Jack Johnson

Yes, it sounds like pretty much every other song Jack Johnson ever sang. It puts the playlist down on a nice note, though.

*I like My Morning Jacket, but I think it should be named My Christmas Sweater because Jim James has a thick, warm, thoroughly uncool voice.

Social Dismorphia

I have a theory, and it's distressing. I believe that the industries of fashion, beauty and care products may be run by robots. And by robots I mean money-mongering souls who either don't realize what they are doing or, more likely in my mind, don't care. These robots are programmed to destroy women, and thus society. I firmly believe that a family is the most important unit of society, and good things come from strong homes. Destroy the master of services and all good things (as I call homemakers) by chipping away at her self-worth slowly over her lifetime of media exposure. It's a brilliant plan, and I think it's working.

Looking good is awesome. Being confident feels great and makes you happy. However, letting evil robots set the criteria for these good things is not good. I'm constantly battling myself over how I look because of what I see and think looks good, determining my self worth by what I look like rather than what I can do. It's wrong, seriously wrong, and on the days I am self-aware enough to see that, I feel completely free and happy, no matter what I look like that day.

You know when I feel best? When I feel healthy, when I am with those I love and when I do good things for myself and others that day. Looking smokin' hot is good too, sometimes, but it's when I determine I look good (also when Steve lets me know). I've discovered over the years that I honestly feel the most beautiful when I love myself for what I do, when I work hard and try my best in any arena. For a big example in my life: exercise.

I could write a book on what I think about the many faces of exercise. "The Good, Bad and Sweaty," I would call it. One things I'm very passionate about is listening to your body, and in terms of exercise, I think it is the key to whatever success you're striving for. I started working out seriously at 14 or 15 because I was overweight and unhappy. It was a good thing, but I went about it in the wrong way. I was exercising just to be skinny, eating only when famished and then feeling guilty about eating. I ended up losing fat and looking good, but in my mind it was never enough, food was never a good thing and my ideal weight was just less than what I weighed, always less.

Like I said, I really could write a book on this, but what I want to say is that I went about this awesome and healthy aspect of life in an extremely unhealthy way. Why? The robots. I wanted to be skinny because that's beautiful. I wanted to look like the happy girls I saw at school who were thin and awesome. This idea scares me more and more for my sons and daughters (I'm going to have the first in the series by March/April of next year) because I want them to value themselves on what they do, not what they look like.

The thing about robots is, they aren't real. They're created by humans to do and say what we tell them to. This is an evil positive feedback loop, my friends. They sell us these thoughts, we buy into them and they sell us more. I don't want to buy any more robot garbage. I want to feel good about myself no matter what a scale says, no matter how others appear or what they say. I want to disillusion myself and others. It's one of the most important things in my mind because women, families and homes are fundamentally important in our life. We would all, in fact, not be here without women. Down with robots and yes to reality. I'll take a cake-baking, hard-working mother of 17 who has a full time job and remembers your birthday over garbage spewed from the mouths of money-licking robots any day.

Story of Ball Sports Team Game

Sarah wrote the above at the Utah Statesman offices. Sarah visits me when I'm helping put the paper together. Our sports editor, Tavin Stucki, left his computer unattended, so we helped fill his pages. The layout is actual Statesman style, how it would appear in the paper (with a couple spacing tweaks).

Reading Playlist 3: Pretend you're on an island

When I was a missionary on Ishigaki Island, halfway between Okinawa and Taiwan, my companions and I tracted for long hours. It was always 31 degrees Celsius and 115 percent humidity. That's right. It was drier in the ocean than on land. After a few months of this, I developed a coping mechanism: Pretend you're on an island. I don't know why, but even when I actually was on an island, I had to pretend.

1. Fishbowl Eyes by Go Jimmy Go

The only thing more islandic than ska is Hawaiian ska. Think offbeats, brass, super-smarmy vocals and steel guitar.

2. Give It to You by G. Love and Jack Johnson

G. Love and Jack Johnson have recorded many songs together, including one for the Curious George soundtrack. The movie was all warm colors and monkey noises, but the soundtrack was amazing. Sarah keeps saying she doesn't remember this, but Curious George was the first movie we ever went to together.

3. Johnny Go Ska by the Toasters

A ska take on Johnny B. Goode by none other than the official historians of ska, The Toasters. Every other song of theirs explains the origins of ska.

4. Stir It Up by Bob Marley

Because your recipe is so tasty.

5. Revolution Rock by The Clash

Get that cheesegrater going. The organ in this song is fantastic. It's a cover of a Danny Ray song. The original was more feel-good -- the Clash added lines like, "I have got the sharpest knife, so I get the biggest slice," and, "I'm so pilled-up that I rattle." They also added the organ and the brass, though, and that seals the deal for me.

6. La Mar by The Beautiful Girls

I think this is the second time The Beautiful Girls have made the playlist. Get used to it.

7. Shima-uta by Rimi Natsukawa

This was one of my favorite songs while I was in Okinawa. The original -- recorded in 1992 -- wasn't written by an Okinawan, but they love the song more than anybody down there. This cover is a lot lighter on the electric rock-ballad guitar.

8. I Can Dig It by Kalai

Utah's favorite Alaska-born Hawaiian.


9. Drunken Master by The Pietasters

This song inspires a wonderful sense of false confidence. I listen to it every time before I take a test.

10. Bangerang Crash by The Specials

 I have no idea what any of the words to this song are, but it makes me feel happy.

11. Holiday by Weezer

You may ask why I didn't choose "Island in the Sun." Because no matter what anyone says, the Blue Album was Weezer's best, and this song is the anthem for wishing you were someplace else. Also, the right speaker on my computer keeps crapping out, and "Island in the Sun" doesn't sound nearly as good in mono.

Vote Mega Man in 20XX

As a journalist, people occasionally ask what my political views are. Since political statements now may affect my career later on, I usually keep my opinions to myself, sometimes deflecting political questions with absurd answers. Not today, though. I'm going to tell you all what I really believe.

I believe we should elect Mega Man as president in 20XX.
By way of explanation*, Mega Man is a little blue robot who jumps around shooting little white pills at other robots. When he defeats an opponent, he steals their power. For example, after he defeats Snake Man, he can shoot snakes.**
If Mega Man were elected president, he'd automatically absorb the qualifications of all his opponents, making him the best choice for office. On the other hand, as my brother Gordo pointed out, he wasn't born in the U.S., making him Constitutionally ineligible for office. Luckily, there's a loophole. Since he's a robot, he technically hasn't been born anywhere ... yet.***
His running mate could be his robot dog. In the games, Rush stays completely out of sight until he can do something useful, like transform into a jet, submarine or motorcycle. He's pretty politically neutral -- he's pink, so liberals will like him, and he's named Rush, so conservatives will like him.

*Explanation applicable to people born before 1970 or after 1990
**My favorite boss from the games was Gemini Man. I'm a Gemini, and it's validating to know that my Zodiac sign is cool enough to spawn an `80s video game villain.
***Loophole may or may not involve a reverse c-section.